Dear Mother
in my freshmen year i went to three different high school in three different states.
- Texas
- Maryland
- Ohio
in my sophomore year i went to two different high schools in two different cities.
- Columbus
- Westerville
in my junior and senior year, i enjoyed the stability of going to the same school for more than one year for the first time in my life.
i learned to survive these capricious upheavals my mother put me through only because i was able to recognize patterns in the American education system, but nothing more.
i barely recall english grammar and math. reading and science was fun because i could experience things rather than be dumbfounded by abstract theories that my patter recognition couldn't solve.
you read a book, write a report, make it sound somewhat convincing, and you move on because you wouldn't be attending that school next year anyways.
you dissect a frog, make hypothesis based on observations, write a report, and get a passing grade, nothing stellar because you wouldn't be attending that school next year anyways.
Dear mother,
I was never stupid, it seems, like you would remind me.
I wasn't an idiot that reminded you of your ex-husband because i carried his name.
I was just a child who wanted to join the chess club but you never let me.
I was a being that straddled the line of what it meant to be a part of your culture, but also something different that seemed to give me the opportunities in life that it stole from you, and while I am deeply sorry for your pain (you're a victim of the patriarchy), what you did to me was unnecessarily painful;
and it's taken me 36 years to label it, and it's affected my self-worth, and it's robbed me of employment opportunities, and it's involved people who love and care for me, and it's made me hurt them, and it's made me cry, and it's hurtful, treacherous, alienating, divisively incisive, dumbfounding, sad.